The Yield Point

The Yield Point:

Where Growth Becomes Permanent

This past week has been particularly full for me, more than usual and my capacity has been stretched and tested. When thinking about it, I was reminded of an analogy for growth that my husband once shared which seemed accurate and encouraging. Rather than regurgitate his words, I asked him to pen his thoughts so that I could share them with you.

Enjoy……………..

I just recently went back to Cambridge with my family. It holds a lot of fond memories for me. It was where I studied at uni, where I met my wife, where I got my first job, where I got my first house. Cambridge will always be an important and formative place for me. I caught myself driving through the small winding streets and reminiscing about how things used to be. Life seemed so simple back then. Of course, at the time it didn’t feel simple at all. When I look back at what I used to stress about it’s actually quite amusing. It seemed huge at the time, but with the passing of time and a bit more ‘life experience’, it all seems so trivial now. It struck me that personal capacity develops through the years without us really noticing it. This made me wonder, “How does our capacity grow?”

Did you know that metals are elastic? It’s true. Metals behave similarly to elastic bands when you apply tension to them. Just like an elastic band, metals will stretch when you pull them. If you stop pulling them they will return to their original length. Because of this property, metals are said to behave elastically under certain conditions. If you apply more force, the metal will stretch further. Apply a bit more still and it stretches a bit further still. Each time the force is removed, the metal will return to its original shape. There is a point, however, that once crossed, will change the metal permanently. It’s called the yield point. Before the yield point, the metal has enough capacity to take the force applied to it. When the force is removed it simply relaxes back into its normal position. But when the yield point is reached, it’s a different story. The metal has been subjected to so much force that all of its inbuilt capacity to carry the force has been overwhelmed. When removing the force now, the metal does not return to its original length, it has been permanently stretched and therefore is permanently enlarged.

I think this illustration gives an unique insight into how growth can work in us. For most of our lives we operate within our ‘elastic zone.’ Every now and then a little more is asked of us than usual. That might be in the form of a work deadline, a house move, or revising for an exam. An external pressure that applies some extra “force”. When these challenges come our way we feel stretched and a little overwhelmed, but we actually have enough capacity within ourselves to deal with the stretch on a temporary basis. Remove the external pressure and we return to normal. Nothing has really changed, although we’re pretty happy we don’t have to deal with whatever it was anymore. For most of life’s ups and downs, this is perfectly adequate.

There are, however, certain situations where we reach the end of ourselves when all our capacity is spent and the external force isn’t removed but continues to pull. Perhaps things start with just a work deadline which then escalates into a work deadline and a house move, plus an exam and maybe an illness, add the kids playing up and … well, you get the idea. Before we know it one thing has snowballed into another and it feels like an avalanche is heading our way. It can seem never-ending and like we’re going to be engulfed any second. The truth is though, we’ve hit our yield point. It’s painful, and it feels like we’re going to break, we’re being permanently stretched. It’s in these times that we find ourselves experiencing permanent growth. If we place these experiences into the hands of God, it can be in a positive way. When all the external pressures are removed, we don’t return to our original state, we return to a new state, hopefully, a bigger state. We’ve been permanently enlarged.

There have been so many times in my life that I’ve felt completely out of control and at breaking point, but if truth be told, I’d just hit my yield point. As human beings, we are far more resilient than we give ourselves credit for. Unfortunately, it’s only in times of pressure that we see how resilient we really are. I have changed the way I view challenges and setbacks. I’ve reframed them as ‘Moments Of Permanent Growth.’ Easier said than done I know, but it does change your outlook and perspective in a positive way. Tough times come to everyone, it’s an unfortunate fact. Live long enough and you will have a period that just seems to really suck. Understanding that these moments can be of benefit to us in the long term, doesn’t necessarily make them easier to navigate, but it can give them a sense of purpose in the midst of the stretch. They aren’t pleasant but they can be useful.

Looking back on the tough times I’ve had to walk through, I wouldn’t want to walk through them again, but I do recognise that I’m a bigger person because of them. I guess that’s the point really. Ultimately it’s in our lack and in our need that our awareness of God is heightened. In our weakness we can see His strength. When we get through the other side and look back, we realise that God is faithful and so the next time a challenge comes we have a personal revelation and experience of His faithfulness in our life. “If God got me through that, He can get me through this.” That allows us to face an uncertain future with an assurance that we do have the capacity to withstand adverse force, but not in our strength, in His. So if you feel like you’re at breaking point, take heart! Where we end, He begins.

2 Corinthians 12 v 9

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

 

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“Colic – come at me bro!”

Colic is definitely not my “bro”, nor my “sis” or any other relative for that matter, and is actually more foe than friend. So why the title? Well, living in South East London, I’m acquainting myself with the colloquial lingo, (who am I kidding?!)

According to my parents, I suffered from colic myself as a baby. If you have any experience of a baby with colic, you know it’s a miracle that any parent and baby survives past the newborn stage.

When I look at other newborns that lie contentedly in their parent’s arms, or on the floor, in a pram or Moses basket etc. I look on in wonder and disbelief. This was not our experience of our fresh-out-of-the-womb, Heaven-sent little package.

Quite a few health professionals were in disbelief that Sienna had lost 17% of her birth weight within the first week; all of her other health checks had gone really well. After a recommendation from our health visitor, we took a trip to A & E. This resulted in a 48-hour plus stint in the hospital. After being unable to insert a cannula into her tiny arm, (after what felt like an eternity of trying), the doctor said that we should try to feed Sienna some formula. Fortunately, after a strict 48 hours of planned feeding from both myself and the bottle, our gorgeous little poppet had gained enough weight to be discharged. We thought, ‘finally, we can start to enjoy being new parents.’

Enter colic. With hours of relentless crying, sometimes screaming, often in inconsolable discomfort, we could never put Sienna down between the early afternoon and late evening, without her becoming hysterical. It’s one of those things that you can’t imagine until you’re in it. Rich’s greatest hope for parenthood had been scaled back to, “I just want to be able to hold my daughter without her crying.” Mine, “I just need to get through the hours that Rich is at work.”

On the back of 9 months of cooking our child and all that this entails, followed by a pretty traumatic birth; labouring for 4 days with little sleep, a late epidural, meconium in the waters, and an emergency C-section, colic at a few weeks old was certainly an unwelcome guest.

Colic seems to be a mostly undefinable and untreatable phenomenon that some babies get. Both child and parents somehow have to struggle through this period, which can last anywhere between a few weeks to a few months, until it decides it’s had enough of tormenting its victim; the baby grows out of it, the tummy matures.

After trying Infacol, gripe water and taking other advice on how to manage this unrelenting issue, we were at the end of our resources both practically and emotionally. 

If you were to apply for a job with a high level of responsibility, with no prior experience, the chances of being asked for an interview are slim to zero. Yet as new parents, here you are with the most precious treasure on the planet, with zero experience (at least for us anyway), 24-hour responsibility and very little sleep. Now add on top of that, the phenomena that is colic. Argh!

We mustered every bit of strength within us and both Grandma and Grammie to try to ease the discomfort of our special little one. We discovered a few tricks, that eventually, sometimes, 50% of the time, worked every time (not the best odds!) It was proving too difficult to manage. People tell you that the first 6 weeks are the hardest, meaning to be helpful, but 6 weeks feels like a lifetime away when every day is a battle.

Friends wanted to come and visit and drop off food parcels and see our beautiful little girl, but I was barely getting through each day. Walking to the park or the shop was often a cause for mild anxiety, with us hoping and praying she didn’t have an episode in the store. To see your baby cry in distress for at least 6 hours a day is less than fun, in fact, it is an absolute nightmare. I would dread her being awake (how sad is that!) beyond 2pm because that is when it seemed to hit the worst. It’s in those moments that you realise how out of control and on edge you are. 

One day, with emotions, hormones and physical discomfort chipping away at my positive outlook, topped off with a good dose of sleep deprivation, I’d had enough. Rich had gone back to work, and on this particular day he’d had to leave at 5am and wasn’t due to be home until around 11pm. The morning, as usual, was pretty good, with Sienna having some lovely awake time and napping on schedule, confidence built and I thought, “I can do this!” It turns out I couldn’t. I tried every trick we knew, the bouncy ball, the rocking, the gentle shushing, the singing, the feeding, the Infacol, and so the list goes on, and nothing was working. Sitting on that bouncy ball I cried out to God, “I can’t do this, you need to help me, I’m desperate.”

One emotional phone call later and Rich made his way home for as early as he could, arriving home at around 9pm. Just as he walked through the door she went to sleep – typical!

We sat down and chatted and decided that this was not OK and if God had called us to this life and to be parents to this child, then we needed to see His breakthrough. Every day we had prayed faith-filled prayers, but it felt like we needed to go to war for this little one. In the natural, going into battle at your weakest point seems borderline suicidal, but standing on the truth that His Grace is sufficient for us, and His power is perfected in our weakness (2 Corinthians 12 v 9) we decided to fast (sensibly given I was feeding and Rich working) and pray for 7 days.

The first 6 days of the fast were still just as tough, but we had a renewed sense of hope and belief that the end was in sight. The seventh day came, it happened to be a Sunday. What a perfect day to end the fast on! It was also the first time that I had made it to church with Sienna. The day wasn’t without its hiccups and she had a meltdown towards the end of the service, but I thought, “We’ve made it.”

During the period in which Sienna suffered from colic, I had become a Google addict, typing in everything I could think of related to colic that might show up some useful results or advice on how to cure it or deal with it. I did it religiously every day for a few weeks in the hope that maybe I had missed something. In the week of the fast, I did the same thing. The same sites that I had previously clicked on all popped up as results to my new searches when suddenly I came across an article from the Guardian that helped me to refine my feeding methods for Sienna. Where had it been? How have I missed this? The article definitely helped to ensure that the colic didn’t return as the feeding had exacerbated the situation, and it was something I put into practice immediately, but from Monday onwards, Sienna was miraculously healed. God stepped in and healed her and relieved her of her discomfort and gave me the tools to ensure that it didn’t return again. Writing it in a sentence doesn’t seem to do it justice. It is that simple, but it wasn’t that easy. 

I have to admit that every time she cried during the weeks following her healing, I was a little on edge. We had to re-learn that crying is one of the ways in which babies communicate and just because we hadn’t had a “normal” initial experience, we were now able to attend to her needs. The scream that made us fear the neighbours might think we were chopping her leg off had disappeared, and we could finally start to build a meaningful bond and relationship with our daughter. Now we can’t believe it’s the same child, she’s so happy and easy-going, so much fun to be with and has a clear determined spirit. Every day we are thankful.

There is advice out there for coping with colic, and help in trying to manage it, as well as advice on how to get through it emotionally and physically for parents, but there is no medical absolute cure. I am really grateful for medicine and science, however, one-size doesn’t always fit all and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t, however, I believe one God does fit all.  

Some might think it’s a fluke, a coincidence, but I’m here to say that God healed Sienna and everything I read in the scriptures about Jesus, show that He healed without condition and He was and still is always willing to break into people’s situations. There was no illness, injury or issue too big or too small for Him to care about, and it was and still is His will to see people restored. I can recount many events in my life, and the life of friends and family, where God has responded to our faith and stepped in with His loving hand, to turn things around.

I write this blog in the hope that anyone in the same predicament as me, possibly at the end of their tether, with colic or even some other sickness or issue, may somehow stumble across it. I want people to know that there is hope in a God who is real, who cares and who can and who wants to break into your situation.

I always say that it’s difficult to trust someone who you don’t know. For Rich and I we didn’t just arrive at the decision to pray and fast randomly. It was a decision made based on a Person that we know, whose traits, character and provision we have seen on many occasions. He’s available to be known by all.

Hebrews 4 v 16

“Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.”

 

For anyone interested in the article related to colic:

https://www.google.co.uk/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2005/mar/30/familyandrelationships.healthandwellbeing